Most of the research we have collected on the topic of attraction has been done by social psychologists. The factors that social psychologists have identified as being most important for attraction are proximity, familiarity, physical attractiveness, social exchange and similarity. Proximity refers to the idea that most people become acquainted with and attracted to others who live, work or play nearby. For example, many couples met their wife or husband at the college they were attending or on their job. Familiarity relates to the idea that the more you see and the more time you spend and interact with someone, the more you will like him or her. This is called the "mere exposure effect", and it also works with music (think of how often the same songs are played on the radio), or products (e.g., commercials on TV).

It will come as no surprise that good looks play a major role in attractiveness as well. Studies show that men may be a bit more influenced by a female's physical attributes than women are to men's attributes, but it is important for both sexes. In fact, we have a tendency to automatically assume that attractive people have other positive qualities such as being more intelligent or more socially adjusted. In fact, social psychologists have come up with the name of "what is beautiful is good" for this stereotype.

The social exchange theory suggests that people evaluate their relationships based on subjective outcomes. For example, if an individual perceives that the "costs" of a relationship (time, money, effort, etc.), are too high in relation to the "rewards" of the relationship, he or she may decide that it is worth maintaining it. Finally, similarity is based on what psychologists call the "matching hypothesis." The idea behind this theory is that we tend be more attracted to other persons that are similar to us in various ways as physical attributes, IQ, racial and ethnic backgrounds and other characteristics. It turns out that couples often match up fairly equally on a lot of these dimensions. In this case, the old adage that opposites attract does not seem to be supported by actual research. In relation to your question, given that you are likely to resemble them in many different ways, your potential mate is likely to do so as well.

Finally, in addition to all these factors is that of chance. This has an influence on many of the factors described above such as people that you work with, those who live close to you or those that take the same classes that you do. In short attraction is both a simple and at the same time complicated matter.

To find out more about this topic, I would recommend the following books:

• Love and Sex: Cross-cultural perspectives. E. Hatfield & R.L. Rapson. (Allyn & Bacon, 1996).
• Just friends. The role of friendships in our lives. L. Rubin (Harper & Row, 1985).
• Shyness. P.G. Zimbardo. (Addison-Wesley, 1977).
• Influence: Science and Practice. R.B. Cialdini. (Addison-Wesley, 1998).
• Messages: The communication skills book. M. McKay, M. Davis & P. Fanning (New Harbinger Publications, 1995).

Salvatore Cullari, Ph.D.