From: Dietrich Miletich, Plumbing Engineer.
Re: The myelination of pipes.
We have received frequent complaints from the undergraduate dormitories at UCSD concerning the appearance of myelin plugs in the pipes. These plugs appear at regular intervals, wrapped within or along the fixtures much like layers of gauze around a festering limb. Fluid regularly oozes from the spaces between plugs though we have been unable to detect distict breeches in the integrity of the pipes. We believe there is some correlation between the flushing of toilets and urinals with this leakage though, once again we cannot determine any absolute patterns as the leakage does not always correspond to the pipelines servicing the particular locality of flushing apparatus. Rather, flushing seems to elicit a local response that occasionally propagates beyond the locality affected. In a recent occurence, flushing in the #1 North Highrise significantly affected the main lines leading to several west-campus housing units, effectively dropping water pressure a full 30 cm of H2O. One shower scalding was reported as the 30 cm fall affected pressure in the delivery systems for cold-water.
The resulting deposition of untreated effluent in the crawl-spaces after these events has lead to frequent shut-downs of the campus water system. As you may imagine, the amounts of effluent released raise serious concerns about human health and environmental contamination.
The water systems of the U. C. schools have been connected through common piping or common table-based systems from the underlying reservoirs since the opening of the Obispo Aquifer System (OAS). Reports of pipe myelination have been reported at other institutions including, Davis, Irvine, Santa Cruz, UCSF and Berkeley. In fact, reports of pipe myelination first originated from Berkeley and UCSF. The phenomenon has subsequently spread to institutions further south.
The exclusion of UCLA from these effects remains a mystery. The Cal State system seems to be largely unaffected except for occasional outbreaks of rheumatoid arthritis and the usual algal blooms.
We are, at this point, unable to ascertain the origins of the myelination and its future intent. A prominent neurophysiologist has predicted full sentience of the U. C. plumbing system by the year 2002. What effects this will have on the plumbing systems and educational capabilities of our U. C. schools, we cannot say.